Thursday, February 10, 2011

7 Romantic Tips From @benmarvin For Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is coming up soon. Since I'm a romantic kinda guy, I figured I would share some tips with my readers to make sure this weekend is the most romantic they've ever had with their lady.
  1. Invite her to a threesome. Everyone knows all women are secretly bisexual, so why not have two skanks on your wang at the same time. Bonus points if you can get one to lick your brown eye while the other sucks your gentleman sausage.
  2. Take her to the ghetto. Women get turned on by danger. Take her to the worse neighborhood you know and pretend your car breaks down. Bonus points if you pay some black dudes to mug you. If they start gang-raping her, just join in.
  3. Grab her boobs in public. Most women are ashamed of the size of their breasts. Unless their pornstars and paid for a pair of bazongas. 
  4. Bang girls hotter than her. Women by nature are very competitive. Find some hotter, younger skank on MySpace then cheat and make sure you get caught. A pair of extra small panties in your bed and explicit photos on your blog should help.
  5. Pee on her. Women get turned on by primal urges. So mark your territory by spraying a hot stream of urine directly onto her face. If she resists, just sneak in when she's showering or pee on her while she's sleeping.
  6. Hang out with her husband. Sometimes her husband might get a little jealous, so make sure to schedule some bro-time with her husband (or boyfriend). Be sure to share sex tips once you're both wasted on Four Loko.
  7. Take naked pictures of her and put them on the internet. Most women are worried that they'll never be famous. Putting naked pictures or video of her on the internet will at least put her as high as Paris Hilton on the celebrity scale.
  8. Get some food involved in your sex life. If you're banging a skank that doesn't get off watching the Pancakes And Pussy video, you should probably murder her.
If I think of more, I'll be sure to share. But this should be enough to get you started.

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